Michala’s Eulogy from Bridget and Rachel 25.1.08
Introduction & School (Rachel)
- Good afternoon. Bridget and I knew Michala as a friend for nearly 20 years, and we would like to take time today to remember what a beautiful, stylish, funny, intelligent, loyal and fantastic friend she was.
- It was at at St George’s School that Bridget first met Michala, and then at St. Joseph’s College where we all became friends along with Ruth, Lucy, Angela and Rachel Crolla.
- It was clear from the start that Michala was a high flyer, and an excellent student. She taught herself the names of all the British monarchs and had an amazing knowledge of Henry VIII and his wives. One particular, rather eccentric Spanish teacher, Mr O’Rourke, used to ask the class to arrange themselves in order of intelligence or ‘swottiness’ and Michala was always at the top of the class with Bridget and Ruth in 2nd and 3rd position. However they were swiftly demoted to the ‘dunces’ at the end of the line when Michala wasn’t there and went straight back to the top when she returned!
- Many of us took part in the Duke of Edinburgh’s Award scheme, which involved hiking and camping in the Yorkshire Dales, and managed to get the Bronze Award without too much trouble. We then confidently thought we would try and tackle the Gold Award, but after being continually drenched for 4 days, sleeping 5 to a 2-man tent and surviving on a diet of primula cheese and squashed swiss rolls, Rachel and I ended up sheltering in a plastic bivvy survival bag in a barn. It was only Michala with her superior map reading skills and determination went on achieve the Gold Award.
- A highlight of Michala’s St. Joseph’s College career and a mark of her popularity was when she became deputy head girl in the sixth form, as voted by her fellow students. She went on to achieve 4 grade As in her A- levels.
Music (Bridget)
Of course school was only a part-time occupation for Michala as she was a full-time music obsessive.
Her first love was Morrissey! She loved The Smiths and spent years collecting every one of their singles in every possible format. Her main motive for coming to see me in Manchester was to visit various Morrissey shrines. A couple of years ago Rachel and I had to relent and let her make a pilgrimage to the Salford Lads Club, she posed for photographs which she treasured.
More than once Michala called me on her way to my flat in Manchester claiming she had got ‘lost’ on the way and had just happen to end up outside 384 Kings Road, the house where Morrissey grew up. I remember once having to physically stop her knocking on the door and ask the current residents if she could look round.
She never really grew out of the habit of making her friends mix tapes of her favourite music. She also had mix tapes bestowed on her by admirers. Whilst we were at school Michala had a stint as a checkout girl at Morrisons, and I remember more than one admirer bringing her mix tapes into work in an attempt to impress her. She must be the only woman who managed to still attract admirers in that hideous brown and orange uniform.
She briefly tried her hand at making music herself and had guitar lessons at St Joseph’s College. The lessons were mainly a battle with her trying to persuade the teacher to let her play ‘The Smiths’.
As a true music obsessive she found her Mecca in a dodgy Bradford nightspot ‘Tumblers’, this soon became her second home. She would nag the DJ to play ‘The Smiths’ until he gave in. It was her proudest achievement when she once spent 6 consecutive evenings in Tumblers!
Michala had a bit of an obsession with the ‘sixties’ and In 6th Form we ventured as far as Leeds and a 60s inspired nightclub called ‘Brighton Beach.’ She insisted that we dressed appropriately and so we made slightly misguided attempts to dress up as Mods. Here she would always meet up with her cousin Paul who was a slightly more professional looking Mod.
Michala loved to dance and I remember one particular night the ‘Bluetones’ were playing, Michala fainted 4 times because it was so hot and crowded but she refused to leave or sit down, every time she got up and carried on dancing in her 6 inch heels.
One of my fondest memories is the first time we went to the Glastonbury festival. Straight after our final French A Level exam, we changed out of our school uniforms in the headteacher’s bathroom, this was probably the most rebellious thing Michala ever did at school, and we headed straight off to Glastonbury. Andrew collected Michala and I at the end looking like, in his words, ‘a pair of tramps’.
Style Queen (Rachel)
- Perhaps Glatonbury was before Michala had discovered her beauty essential of dry shampoo, but also before she had achieved her status as a style queen.
· At that time she had a particular love of a synthetic checked shirt given to her by Rachel, but that was not her only early fashion mishap. She took the ‘Mod’ look and her love of Morrissey a little too far, and Jeanette had to point out that she looked ‘like a bloke’ and might need to rethink slightly!
· However she soon became a dedicated shopaholic and a crowned style queen. There were so many times when she would allude us and sneak into that one last shop on a marathon shopping expedition, claiming she was just about to leave when we would see her heading for the changing rooms with an armful of clothes.
· I remember her looking so glamorous once meeting some friends of mine straight off the train to London, but begging me to let her go into the loos of the bar and change into her planned ‘evening outfit’.
· However there was an antedote to all this glamour - the strange blue house coat and slippers she would don on her evenings in, while watching her favourite soaps.
· Due to the scale of Michala’s shopping habit, her huge wardrobe was in constant rotation. Bags full of hand-me-down outfits would regularly be offered to us. She really had found her true home in the house she shared with Sam in Bristol when she had a whole floor or ‘boudoir’ devoted to her impressive collection.
· Michala had an undeniable influence on Sam’s style – a person who was convinced a man only needs two pairs of trousers. But with Michala he had met his match, and she slowly infiltrated his wardrobe with stylish items bought on occassions other than his annual shopping trip.
Oxford – (Bridget)
It was clear from all her extra curricular activities that Michala had Oxford in her sights, and she went to Somerville College in 1995 to study Law. Here she met great friends Anna, Nicky, Paul, Catherine, Jane, Madeleine, Rich, Dan and Ben.
Michala excelled in her studies and was in the words of her college friends ‘a total swot’, very intelligent and impressed many of her tutors and peers. However, there were a couple of ancient traditions she added her own particular style to. Every Tuesday night at Sommerville was formal hall, a formal meal where everyone could bring along their own wine. I remember Michala telling me she’d been to the first formal hall and had amused a few people by bringing a screw top bottle of Lambrini. Anna remembers that by 2nd year she swapped her bottle of choice from wine to Martini!
One Summer Ball at Oxford coincided with Michala’s 21st birthday, A few of us travelled down to celebrate with Michala and all her friends in Oxford. Michala wore a long blue dress and white flowers in her hair and looked like something straight from the pages of Vogue.
Career – (Rachel)
- Following Oxford University, Michala went on to study to be a barrister, and then to work for the Treasury Solicitor in London for five years.
- During this time Michala tirelessly commuted almost every weekend to see Sam in Bristol, until she left London to live with Sam in Bristol.
- She went to work at Eversheds in Cardiff where she met her good friends Claire, Cher and Ciara and completely blew everyone away at work, as she was so bright and intelligent. Within six months of starting work at Eversheds she was asked to go on secondment to the Welsh Assembly, ostensibly to do employment law. However when she got there it turned out that she would actually be working on EU competition issues, not employment, which must have come as a bit of a shock, but she completely shone at this new challenge - making some really good friends at the Assembly both because of her high standard of work and her fantastic personal qualities.
- In 2006 Michala went on to join the Employment Team at Osborne Clark in Bristol so she could spend less time commuting and more time with Sam.
- Michala had known from the very beginning of her Law degree at Oxford that she wanted to specialise in Employment Law. She was a natural lawyer, with a strong sense of justice and right and wrong, so much so that she couldn’t bear it when we tried to cheat in pub quizzes by sneakily calling friends on our mobiles or looking in The Metro newspaper for the answers!
- She was a career woman and excelled in her work, leaving no time for developing her culinary skills, and her London flatmates Nicky and Anna have fond memories of her cooking all her meals in one burnt old pan in their Clapham flat while she was on the phone to Jeannette.
Meeting Sam – (Bridget)
It was while Michala was at the Bar in London that she met Sam, a fellow trainee barrister. However, it wasn’t the law that brought them together, but a memorable night in Crazy Larry’s in Fulham.
She cautiously introduced him to me in London while forewarning me of his chinos, stripey fisherman’s jumper and brogues. We went out for a drink but only after they made me sit through an entire episode of Morse. I remember being slightly surprised by this as we were 21 at the time! They really were soulmates and began their life together.
They really were soulmates and knew each other so well. At Michala’s hen party we had lots of fun with a Mr & Mrs Quiz in which Sam revealed that Michala’s favourite mode of transport were her high heels; that her speciality in the kitchen was cereal; and if Sam were to take one thing to a desert island it would be Michala…and a radio.
Other memories (Rachel)
- We have so many other great memories of Michala. One particular holiday to Sardinia, slightly out of season, comes to mind as one of the funniest times with Michala. We all met at Liverpool Street station, and Michala was not able to move because her huge wheely suitcase – which she called an ‘albatross’ – which was as big as her. When checking in my bag was a light 9kg, Bridget’s a sensible 12kg, and Michala’s a colossal 29kg!
- Of course this was because it contained Michala’s fully co-ordinated outfits and accesssories for a week, which meant she had to have her own room in the apartment. Though this was not the only reason for giving her her own room – she also snored like a bear! And we had to secretly buy earplugs at the airport to cope with the unbelievable sound.
- Of course everyone fell in love with her, and despite getting ready in the dark because her industrial hairdryer constantly fused the lights, when we ordered pizzas they arrived heart shaped.
Family (Bridget)
Michala’s family were incredibly important to her and the centre of her life. Christmas 2007 was the first she had not spent at home in Bradford in 30 years! They are all genuinely friends as well as relations.
We still cannot work out from all the ‘aunties’ she would tell us tales about which are actually relations! Her huge extended family embraced Sam and I know that Michala always felt she was happily welcomed as part of Sam’s family.
Last year (Rachel)
- We can take huge comfort and plesaure in looking back at the last year as truly the happiest of Michala’s life.
- On New Year’s Eve last year Michala announced her engagement to Sam and she was absolutely over the moon. The secret wedding file was brought out, and within a week Michala had set the date, booked the wedding venue and was sending me pictures of the bridesmaid dresses. She was a woman on a mission!
- In February Sam and Michala held an engagement party in their house, which was packed with their friends and family. We were all extremely well fed with the huge vats of chilli Sam had made which made interesting goody bags for the guests. When Michala told me afterwards how this family party had gone after I left at 1am, I was surprised to hear about the rounds of naked wrestling, however by this point Michala knew of Sam’s penchant for stripping in public to ‘entertain’ people and was so used to it by this point she took it all in her stride.
- On May 2nd Michala celebrated her 30th birthday. As Michala was born on the same day as me, we held another joint birthday party together in London, something which had become a bit of a tradition, and had fantastic fun with lots of our friends.
- In September all Michala’s friends joined her for her hen party in London – hitting the Thames on a glamorous river cruise complete with Cockney commentary, staying at the Great Eastern Hotel and partying till the small hours at the nightspots of East London.
- Sam and Michala’s wedding day was truly the happiest day of Michala’s life and how we will all remember Michala.
Memories from Michala’s friends
Anna
Somerville had a thing called formal hall every Tuesday night which was basically a meal held in the College dining room where everyone got dressed up and you could bring along your own wine to it - though I do remember Michala swapping wine for Martini (of all things!) as her bottle of choice some time in 2nd year. We loved it because it was basically an excuse for a mid-week night out and generally everyone ended up in the college bar, then one of the cheesy nightclubs in town. Most of the nights have blurred into one now, but one night in particular sticks out in my memory - the College gave a 1920s theme to one formal hall night, so immediate thoughts went to outfits. Michala loved the 1920s clothes and knew loads about what we should wear so she made each of the girls an elasticated sequined and feathered headband which was so cool - we really looked like proper flapper girls.
I also remember the outfit she wore to the ball in the 3rd year which was on her 21st - she looked like she was from a magazine, long and cream and she had little flowers in her hair - Bridget came to the ball as well. It was right at the end of our time at Somerville and was a real heady hot Oxford night - we all knew each other so well by then and, looking back, in many ways it was the real pinnacle of our time there.
You ask if Michala was diligent - I shared some tutorials with her and she was a total swat!! Michala was very clever indeed, a logical thinker and extremely diligent and thorough. I think Michala genuinely liked law and was interested in it - as Nicky says she had a deep belief in right and wrong. She could also retain so much knowledge - don't know if you ever spoke to her about English monarchs, but she could name all of them and knew loads and loads about Henry VIII and his wives. She was as good on legal cases, especially on land law and employment law which from day 1 at oxford she wanted to specialise in. She got on really well with our land law tutor Simon Gardener who was a proper eccentric Oxford lecturer - e.g. he used to lie down during tutorials. Michala really impressed him - I remember him getting really excited with one of her essays saying that she's just hit the very essence of some legal principle. On a light note, I also remember him asking her during a tutorial what "kookai" was as he'd noticed it written on her bag and top!
Nicky
My heart goes out to everybody who knew Michala and Sam, and is suffering from the pain of this terrible tragedy. Obviously, we are all thinking of their families a great deal, and it must mean a lot to them that you are speaking at the funeral – not an easy thing to do for anyone. I have been racking my brains to think of things about Michala to include in your speech that you don’t already know. All I can really come up with are random thoughts, but here we go (Anna, please add anything I have missed):
Her natural elegance and impeccable sense of style
Her blue housecoat and slippers, and nights in front of the soaps
Her tireless devotion to the weekend commute to Bristol
Her one saucepan which she used to cook (and burn) everything in whilst on the phone to Jeanette every night
Her fantastic sense of humour and use of amusing catchphrases (e.g. “Ooh, (I was so surprised) I could have crawled into a cockle shell…”)
Her excellent music taste, and the graceful way she would dance
The fact that she was physically incapable of ending a telephone conversation, and would keep you chatting for hours (about nothing and everything)
Her light spirit and forgiving attitude, and the way you would never know if she was annoyed with you
Her softly spoken voice and loyalty to all things Yorkshire
Her respect for the law and deep held belief in right and wrong (Michala never once bowed to peer pressure to smoke or take drugs)
Her love of people and the instant way in which people would love her
Her numerous “Aunties” who turned out not to be aunties at all
The closeness of her family and the way that they were all genuinely friends
Her never ending love for Sam, and all that they went through together
The way Sam looked at her as she walked down the aisle
I hope this helps. I feel very honored to have known Michala and I will always remember her.
I can’t really add any more than Anna about Michala at Oxford. I do know that we were all in complete awe of her – how did she manage to look so stylish on a student budget, whilst we were all still so gawky and uninformed? How did she manage to work so diligently and yet be so sociable, when we were all slacking off in bed with hangovers? How did she manage to be so consistent in who she was and what she believed in, when we had no idea of who we were or what we were doing? I’ve been trying to think of how I would sum Michala up in 5 words, and these are the ones I keep coming back to: chic, smart, genuine, loyal, honorable.
Kate
I'm sure you'll have loads, and things from people who have known her a lot longer than me, but just to share anyway...one of the things I keep thinking of is how much Michala loved dancing and despite the fact that her music tastes were far cooler than mine we did find some common ground in one or two numbers (complete with actions!). Not the most profound I realise, but I have a lovely memory of her really giving it her all on the dance floor at her wedding and STILL managing to maintain bridelike belle of the ball status, very impressive!
Michala and Sam made me feel really welcome when I moved to Bristol and I will always be grateful for that - it seems to be incresasingly rare to meet new friends you click with. I was really looking forward to spending more time with both of them.
Lucy
Since the LOTR trilogy has been out I always wanted to ask Michala what she thought of Sean Astin's transformation into Samwize Gamgee since she loved him so much in her teens. Also, did she ever visit Salford Working Men's Club to see where the Smith's album cover was shot? \didn't David Cameron visit it recently as they are his musical heroes. Again not sure how she would feel about that. These are just thoughts and ramblings and may of no consequence.
Claire & Cher
We first got to know Michala when she came to work with us after leaving the Treasury Solicitor Dept in London. She completely blew us away at work, she was so bright and intelligent. Within about six months of starting to work with us she was asked to go on secondment to the Welsh Assembly, ostensibly to do employment law. When she got there it turned out that she was actually going to be working on EU competition issues, not employment, which must have come as a shock, but I think it's fair to say that she completely shone at this new challenge. Michala made some really good friends at the Assembly that we know she thought very very highly of. She made such a good impression there because of her standard of work, but also because of her fantastic personal qualities.
That's one of the reasons that we loved her. She was formidably bright, and sometimes when people are that capable, they can be one dimensional or just entirely work focused, but Michala wasn't. She was fun and dynamic and funny and warm and stylish. She was so down to earth and her love of music was really inspiring. She was unique in that she got just as much pleasure from going to a "Take That" concert here in Cardiff after work, as to a "Smith's" Tribute night with us. We will never forget her voice ringing out above the crowd at the Take That concert….."I love ya Garrreeeh" in a very northern twang! We always laughed about this with her, she was just as much a cheesy Gary Barlow fan as an uber cool Morrissey one! We missed Michala a lot when she went to work in Bristol, but we knew it was something she had to do. The commute to Cardiff was very difficult during the winter, and she used to make us laugh telling how the alarm would go off at the crack of dawn in the dark, and Sam would rock her slowly to help her get momentum to get up, and then give her a little 'push' at the crucial moment to get her out of bed, saying 'you can do it'! That's teamwork! Despite the tiring commute Michala was absolutely always so happy and cheerful and was a complete pleasure to be around. She also never had anything negative to say about anyone. We genuinely can't remember a time when she said anything negative about anyone at all, which is a real credit to her and again shows the calibre of person that she was.
When we first met Sam, at a party after work, he told us that one of the reasons that he loved her so much was that she was so bright and capable. They were clearly well matched in that regard, but they were also well matched in their warmth toward other people and genuine personal interest they showed in others. Our memory of Sam on that first night we met him is very clear, sitting down and really talking to others, taking the time to get to know people properly and that is exactly how Michala would be too, which says so much about them.
So we will remember Michala for many things, and we feel very very privileged to have shared some experiences with her, that at the time might have seemed ordinary (hunting round in a taxi in the early hours in Swansea for a curry house that was open after dancing the night away, or just walking into town at lunchtime for a bite to eat in the sun laughing with Michala at her super cool huge 1970's sunglasses), but those memories are incredibly precious to us and we will always always cherish them.
Ciara
Things to love about Michala - She was great craic. We clicked the day she started working for Eversheds - sitting at the desk beside me, both slagged for how our accents changed when we spoke to our families "back home". Her sense of humour which she shared with Sam - the fact they purposefully booked flights to New York for September 11...because they were cheaper! She bought second hand cowboy boots on e-bay and wore them to work. But most importnatly they looked great on her! Her sense of style was fabulous - who do you know who can pull of a corporate smart suit and dangly earrings and still look chic, but she did. We shared an interest in Indie music so it was with some surprise, I was directed to follow Michala's dance moves by a 6ft 5 transvestite in Cardiff's one and only drag queen bar because Michaela was the one who know all the Take That dance routines perfectly. She went to stage/dance school as a child. She stayed at our place a few times when we were out later than the last train back to Bristol and there were long conversations about Morrissey and the Smiths with Torsten. She played dj at our Eversheds girls quiet night in and our neighbours had to receive a bunch of flowers the next day due to the volume to levels still rocking at 4am. She was one hell of a lawyer. She loved her aunty who died. She called me for a chat when my Dad died (you'd be surprised how few people do). She wrote with a very posh pen. I love the fact the jellybeans matched the bridesmaids.
Paul
I lived next door to Michala in our first year at Somerville and we had some great times. Michala was an incredibly thoughtful and kind person. I actually got sent down from Oxford and Michala took it upon herself to make me an album filled with pictures and letters, which I still have to this day.
The one thing though that really sticks in my mind about Michala is her passion for music. I owe a significant debt to her for my musical education and it is thanks to her alone that I can now sing along to just about every Pulp song ever written. I heard Jarvis Cocker through my wall nearly 24 hours a day for 3 terms! Michala was an amazing person and it does make you stop and think that life can be very short and cruel. I do though feel very fortunate to have known Michala and to have watched her so happy at her wedding so recently.
Rachel Mapplebeck
Media Relations & Marketing Manager
Whitechapel
Direct Line +44 (0)20 7522 7880 Mobile 07811 456 806
From: Rachel Mapplebeck
Sent: 04 February 2008 09:26
To: 'barnybutterfield.samandmichala@blogger.com'
Subject: Michala's eulogy from Bridget and Rachel
Dear Barny
Hi there and hope you are doing OK. Was just looking at the website over the weekend and it is such a lovely tribute to Sam and Michala, and a really nice thing for you to do.
Please find attached Michala’s eulogy from Bridget and I, as well as some of the amazing memories from Sam and Michala’s friends that they were kind enough to send through when we were writing the eulogy.
Lots and lots of love to you and all your family. We are all thinking of you all the time.
Rachel
xxx
Rachel Mapplebeck
Media Relations & Marketing Manager
Whitechapel
Direct Line +44 (0)20 7522 7880 Mobile 07811 456 806
Become a part of the story of modern art and help secure the Whitechapel�s next 100 years.
The information in this email is confidential and may be legally privileged. It is intended solely for the Addressee. Access to this email by anyone else is unauthorised. If you are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or action taken or omitted in reliance on it, is prohibited and may be unlawful. This e-mail has been scanned for all viruses by Star Internet.
