Michala's eulogy

Hello Barny,

We have read the website dedicated to Sam and Michala and it is a truly beautiful tribute to them both. Myself and Danielle would like to follow your lead and put a copy of Michala's eulogy on there (see attached).

We have also attached two of our favourite photographs of Michala taken at Danielle's wedding. The first is one of her looking beautiful as ever and the second of the three of us illlustrating our words from the eulogy. Hope they come out ok please let us know if there are any problems.

We hope that you and your family are coping as best you can. The words on this website are proving to be of great comfort to us, thank-you for that.

Danielle and Becky
xxx

Our Michala
Michala was many things to many people – but to us she was our big sister, and this is how we would like to remember her today.
Having a sister as intelligent, talented and beautiful as Michala you could go one of two ways: you could either resent or worship her. We worshipped her.
From an early age we realised that Michala would be a hard act to follow. Even family holidays were lessons in humility. On one family holiday a ten year old Michala walked away with first prize in the treasure hunt, dancing and sand castle competition.
To know Michala was to love her, and this applied to everybody including teachers. I remember one time at upper school during my first Art lesson, a particularly mediocre still-life painting of a plant I had done was praised to masterpiece standards once the teacher discovered I was Michala Emmett’s sister. He soon learnt that Michala was in fact the only artist in the family.
Michala was very passionate about the things she liked and this was evident in her taste in music: from Adam Ant to Jarvis Cocker – Take That to The Smiths, she never did anything by halves. One of her most treasured possessions was a piece of Morrisey’s shirt that she had ripped off whilst at a concert. It is no secret that as sisters our music taste sometimes differed, but to this day we can recite word perfectly various Smiths tunes.
Michala was the most supportive older sister we could ask for, we are proud of what a close relationship we had. We were not only sisters but best friends. This week we feel that we have lost the better part of us, but we have been told that we are in fact three parts of one whole and will forever have a special angel on our shoulder guiding and protecting us as only Michala can.

Whether as a dancing partner, shopping partner or confidante in our eyes Michala was as close to perfect as you are going to get; bar a surprising tendency to road rage.
She was not only the best sister but also the best daughter. As the eldest, mum and dad were thrown into a new situation when Michala suggested her first outing to the Indie club Tumblers. Michala was given a rather tame curfew of midnight. The club only opened at eleven so she had one hour to make the most of, before being picked up by dad. Throughout this Michala was uncomplaining and even tempered as usual merely packing everything into that hour, including a number of 50pence pints which were Tumblers speciality
We find we cannot talk about Michala without mentioning her legendary sense of humour. Her passionate and rather eccentric devotion to Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer and the comedians from the Fast Show and the Mary Whitehouse Experience is remembered by family, friends and colleagues alike and went some way to helping her hone her own rather unique wit. Sam once explained that one of the things he loved about Michala the most was when he realised a second too late that she was winding him up. Sam himself was the perfect match for Michala’s humour making them the perfect double act and an hour spent in their company was never to be forgotten. Sam was a welcome addition to many family parties thanks to his eccentric interpretation of party tunes and a willingness to undress for any occasion.
As the ‘trail blazer’ of the family Michala wowed everybody with her academic achievements. Michala never made life easy for herself and her hard work ethic was legendary, her graduation from Oxford University and subsequent calling to the ‘Bar’ were two of the proudest days in our family history.
The loss of Michala has left a gaping hole in our lives but we derive some comfort from the fact that we had never seen her happier. The last year with her work, the engagement, hen-do, and wedding was the happiest of her life. Sam was the love of her life and a fantastic brother-in-law. Anyone who saw them together could see how perfectly matched they were.
As Father Molloy, the priest who married them, said "Their love was so strong that even death could not part them."
To our darling sister, we love you and will miss you more than words can express. We have been so lucky to have you in our lives and your absence will leave a huge gap in the lives of everyone who knows you.

My beautiful friend, so much missed

I first met Michala in Somerville College, Oxford. It was our very first day and I saw her in the Porter's Lodge. I tried to introduce myself but I think she was so overwhelmed at that moment by her new life (and by my thick Swansea-valleys accent!) that she said little in return before rushing off. I had so many happy, crazy times with Michala, and our other friends at college. Lots of memories come back to me, many centred around eating...eating tomato soup as a hangover cure (after a night at the college 'bop' drinking monster Martini drinks), eating mushroom chow mein with Katherine and Madeleine on Walton street; eating burned, greasy fish fingers and waffles watching Dawson's Creek in the 'women's room'...Michala taught us all the meaning of glamour, grooming and shopping. Her love of music....Morrissey, Pulp...was infectious and inevitably influenced the tastes of all her friends. There are so many memories of her that I am so lucky to have, I only wish we could have made more together. She was one of the warmest people I have ever known - when she hugged you she would squeeze the life out of you. Some people have a light of goodness that shines out of them - it sounds corny - but that really was true of Michala. I wish I had appreciated her more. I wish I had visited her more in the last few years, and there are so many things I should have said to her, but now cannot. I am so stunned and saddened by the loss of her. I loved her. I wish I had cherished this wonderful person more. I can only pray that we will meet again some day. In the meantime, I know we will never forget this special couple, and always remember the brightening effect they had on so many of our lives.

On the plane home from Bristol I came across a quote (from a letter written by Freud), which really rang true for me:

"We will never find a substitute [after a loss]. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it be filled completely, it nevertheless remains something else. And actually, this is how it should be, it is the only way of perpetuating that love which we do not want to relinquish."

- Jane Aspell, Michala's friend

a buddy, rugby colleague and workmate

After reading the Eulogy there is little I can add except maybe a couple of illustrations from the perspective of a buddy, rugby colleague and workmate.

When I return from travelling I will most certainly post a few photographs from my Butterfield archive, my favourite of which shows Sam prior to Imperial's rugby tour to Derby a couple of years ago. To see the man I first admired during my pupillage at Albion and then as the hard tackler on the rugby field already described by others, painted bright blue, with a white hat he'd made himself, wellies and not an ounce of self consciousness - was truly a sight to behold. I was dressed similarly, both as tour 'virgins' with the Imps - the only difference was Sam's strong desire to flag a taxi down in the street or get the bus, rather than to book a taxi to collect us from my flat to transport us to the club. As others have described - the smile never left his face as I sheepishly, and Sam, brazenly, wandered down the road.

The second relates to a photo posted by John and Ginge, the close-up of Sam's Romanesque nose (of which he was so fond of picking) taken on Albion's ski trip to Meribel last year. That particular photo was taken to try and record the effect of Sam's patented skipole-to-the-nose braking system, which he used to slow his descent after a fall on a black run. Despite skiing being his least favourite sport, or so he led us to believe, he always told me he loved 'the crack' of it, the time spent with friends, the camaraderie, Sam down to a 't'. I will truly miss Sam on those ski trips, the borrowed gear, the ill-fitting boots, the beach towels as faux chaps (only!) in the hottub (to continue the nakedness theme) and Sam's special ski hat with the ear flaps making him look like a demented basset hound skiing, sometimes in control, into the distance.

I have many happy memories of my time spent with Sam, for that I will always be grateful.

Rich Shepherd

Sam's Eulogy

This is the Eulogy I read my brother at his funeral on 25th January 2008.

Sam

What an honour it has been to be your brother. The most steadfast, hard, funny and loyal man I have ever known.

How can a brother do true justice to his brother. How can I say what he meant to me. Brotherly bonds defy all description. Deeper than marriage, stronger than friendship. He was there for me from the moment I came to be, and now we must all bid him farewell.

But our sorrow is not why I stand here now, that is something we will all carry with us until we end our days. I stand here to remember my brother.

Sam was an assiduous. voracious learner - and natural teacher. Once he had mastered something, it came as second nature to be able to pass it on. He collected achievements like some people collect beer bottles. He was a scuba diver, a motorbike rider, rugby captain, a blood donor, a bomb maker, a psychology and philosophy graduate, a yacht skipper, a cricket centurion, a skier, a rock climber, a barrister and Mandarin speaker just to list a few. For Sam it wasn't a case of underlining to the rest of us our inferiority, although that was sometimes how it felt; Sam was a man in love with the world and the experiences it offered, so if he saw something which looked interesting - and especially if it was challenging, he didn't just want to try it, he wanted to master it.

Sam's career as a sportsman was one of excellence, and utter enjoyment. He was a skillful and wily competitor, who also happened to be utterly fearless. I remember a game of rugby we played together, myself in the front row and sam in the three quarters, and I'd had a fairly frank discussion with the opposition number 8, and their number 6 had gone in with a cheap shot on Sam - both of whom were pretty big lads, and a couple of break downs later the ref was blowing his whistle very strongly, and a couple of blokes were pulling sam off a guy about three times his size, whilst i was having my say with the number 6 needless to say it was the number 8 Sam was sorting out. And that is what brothers do. It is certainly what Sam did.

When his arm braced your shoulders on a meeting, with a simple warm smile. His strong dependable hug was an embrace which one could never fail to enjoy, or fail to receive. Many is the time that the formal outstretched hand has been ignored - so that he could properly embrace his family or friend. Sam never suffered an ounce of pretension. He found it ridiculous in others and never succumbed to it himself.

Tobias always called Sam his "older, younger brother" and how true that was. Sam's renown, to family, friends and team mates was his sage, capable maturity. His Grandmother, the sternest critic of anything fly-by-night or whimsical called him worldly, and to see them together despite the 68 year gap, it was obvious that they understood each other. And that was Sam. He took time to understand - he was best friends to so many of us in this room, because he learnt our language and spoke to us eye to eye. He was the fulcrum of the family, keeping us all in the loop. Interested in everyone's progress - and the first to notice a course gone awry. I can only imagine how proud my parents must have been of their son. Such an easy achiever, a self propelled work ethic and unutterably modest. His love and care for all his family was genuine and considered. His childhood in Sandford was as happy and action packed as the rest of his life, he knew every square inch of his home parish, and would use any excuse to pop down - and was the first to volunteer help on the farm. Which meant he'd quite often be on his feet in court in exeter at ten, then up to his knees in mud on the farm by three.

Sam made friendships from granite. And he never let his mates down. Often he'd chat about a buddy who was having a hard time, in a relationship or with work - and he'd make sure that was when he'd put in the time to see them. Sam was also an imp. A devilish, chortling, snorting madman. The level of glee he derived from his miscreance was often the spark on the blue touch-paper of many long evenings. It was hard to tire of Sam. He found nudity hilariously entertaining, he had a feral predilection for outdoor mituration and I have never known anyone who found such unbridled joy in picking his nose. For every evening wrecking one of Her Majesty's Ships of the Fleet, there would be an evening of considered cerebral discourse on the infinite universe, a hard fought game of squash, and a pint down the pub - or a night in front of the tv curled up on the sofa with the most important woman in his life.

It was a joy to see such a long established love match crowned in marriage this December last. Michala was all of Sam's equal, and Sam adored that about her. She was an established and loved part of the Butterfield family long before the wedding, and seeing them together so effortlessly happy - and blindly content in each other's space was a gift we can all hold on to. Michala's presence in our family was a breath of fresh air, her wit, warmth and her generosity of spirit will be missed more than can be measured. The facts of this occasion are that our family mourn both our brother, and a sister.

What was it with this man we found so compelling? Sam and his wife lie here with us, a Cathedral full of humanity paying our own respects to our own special person. For me, I bid farewell to the bravest, most stubborn, gritty, honest, wonderful bastard there will ever be. Sam was my backbone, my henchman and my hero. There is no happy ending to this story, only memories. Hold on to them, because you don't meet many like him.

Michala: always remembered

	25th Jan 2008
Helen Rice from Derby relation: college friend from Somerville
Michala was a wonderful girl who I always wished I had got to know better at College. We had a lot in common - not just the way we pronounced our vowels although that was fairly unusual in Oxford. We both had two younger sisters of the same age. We both loved indie music and often borrowed eqch other's tapes and CDs. I will always remember her as a cheerful, friendly, fun-loving lass. We only saw each other a couple of times after graduation and I never met her husband Sam but marrying Michala shows he had excellent taste qnd my heart goes out to both families and Michala and Sam's close friends. I am so sorry I couldn't make it back for the memorials but I have thought about them every day since I heard the news and I will never forget her.

Henry Harper from Bristol Imperial RFC

Sam
You always gave encouragement at rugby training and you were always interested in my progress. I was so sad when my dad told me the sad news. I hope one day to be a captain like you. I wont forget you.
H age 12 Imperial RFC

A wonderful wedding in the USA

Barney,

Attached are some photos I found from our wedding site of Sam. There are loads more, but I thought I would let you choose.

Good to see you.

Julian McMillan

my friend sam

Sam was a rugby colleage and i'm proud to say, a friend of mine for nearly 10 years, we often played alongside each in the centre for Imperial RFC, his tackling was the strongest and bravest I have ever witnessed, many times he came out of a tackle and I saw that he was clearly dazed and in pain but rarely did Sam ask for treatment. One memory that springs to mind was when we were in the changing rooms before the game and the captain at the time was handing out the shirts, Sam tossed me his no.12 shirt and said "i'll take your no.13 i know you don't like wearing it", Sam had remembered that i had broken my collarbone twice whilst wearing it, to me that showed how Sam was always thinking of others. I know that Sam touched so many lives and I for one will miss him.

Rest peacefully my friend

Chris knight

Sam and Michala

How on earth do you try and write and encapsulate how great these two people were?
No dictionary or thesaurus is detailed enough to do either of them justice.
I met Michala and Sam via Becky, Michala's younger sister when we dated and I only knew them for about three years but you couldn't help but immediately love them.
They were welcoming, good natured, intelligent, talkative and - simply - just bloody good fun.
They both had that rare and priceless gift of immediately making you feel at ease - you knew with Michala and Sam that you were in the presence of two fine people from the moment you met them.
Michala made a happy gathering happier, a bright day brighter and was a complete one-off.
What was most admirable was the fact that she drew people to her, people wanted to be in her company and chat to her yet she never had the arrogance to notice it.
There are hundreds of millions of people in the world less intelligent and sharp than Michala but more than happy to try and force their views and their outlooks on you.
However, Michala never thought she was better than anyone, never outlined her repeated superb achievements in all aspects of life and never wore her intelligence like a trophy - it was a fantastic and remarkable trait from a fantastic and remarkable person.
Sam was simply as good a bloke as you could ever wish to meet and someone I am proud to have called a mate.
His love of sport and a pint ensured some (to us anyhow) deeply interesting discussions on bowling medium pace, who should captain England (at anything involving a ball) whether we would kiss Martin Johnson for all his all-round brilliance (a firm yes) and on many occasions at family parties he frogmarched me to the bar to pour booze down my (impoverished and grateful student) neck.
He taught me the beauty of the Flaming Tequila at a 70th birthday party and ignored the strange looks his antics were getting to as he showed off his technique.
Never before or since have near third degree burns been so hilariously acquired.
Only Sam could get drunk, practically commit arson and get away with it all thanks to that grin and that personality.
The glint in his eye and his sheer willingness to engage - with anyone, about anything - mark him out as a true and remarkable character.
I knew the pair of them for but the blink of an eye compared to some of the people who will leave messages on this site but I just had to express what a magical couple they were.

The world can be an extremely unfair place but never more so than know.

Both families have my most very sincere and profound condolences.

Michala and Sam, Rest In Peace.

From Bill and Sue Owen

I met Sam through the annual match between Bristol solicitors and the bar. We got on and I asked him to play for the wandering cricket team that I've run since 1973. He played for us from that summer 2004 onwards. Everyone in the team and their wives and girlfriends came to like him enormously and recognised that there was something very special about him. He was a great team man and totally without any ego.

Sam played in some forty matches. He not only opened the bowling and scored runs; he was a terrific and fearless fielder. With often four or five regulars over 60 that was a huge bonus! But that wasn't what really stood out; he was the man who would wash up after tea in an afternoon game or drive to pick up another player who was without transport. Last summer when we got to a ground we hire at Chew Stoke CC the playing area was saturated. It was your brother who got into the groundsman's shed, and without saying anything ,found a very old fork, rolled up his trousers and set about draining the pitch.

One of the team ( a non-lawyer ) said " he's so down-to earth and nice, I can't believe he's a barrister ". Not true that there aren't others but I knew what he meant. And in all our games he never mentioned that fact that his father was a High Court judge; only I and another solicitor in the side knew that.

We also got to know Michala. The first time we met she confided she wanted to work for Osborne Clarke. I remember how excited she was at a later meeting when she said that she'd accepted an offer from them. She was someone else who was utterly unspoilt . She came to some of our games and joined with other wives and girlfriends in the barracking ( of my team ! ) and champagne drinking. How many other wives-to-be would tell her fiance that she would postpone the honeymoon so that he could join the English lawyers team in the Indian World Cup ? How many others with such bad rugby injuries would get themselves fit to go ?

What I'm saying of course is what so many others said last Friday. These were two talented and exceptional people. They have touched the lives of everyone that they came across. We, who knew them quite a short time, will miss them immensely and are so proud that they were our friends. As Matt, the rugby player, said, we feel we have been robbed.

From Bill and Sue Owen and the Bill Owen Cricket XI

Jug A, or Jub B?

Hi Barn, I hope this comes through ok. If it does email me back and I'll send you some others - but probably not the naked ones! I'm trying to scan in some non-digital ones too.

Do you have an electronic copy of your eulogy? If you do I would very much like to read it again.

Take care, speak soon, James.

skiing pic

More

on the peist

Some more

Sam and Michala

Barny

I've tried to send these before but the message was bounced back as the files were a bit chunky. I'll break them up into 3 messages.

As you can see, several photos of a very relaxed Sam at play; a couple at the summer party with Michala and several skiing. Particularly good fall; grining from ear to ear because he has realised that he IS intact despite parting company with his skis 40 yards back up the slope. Another whilst being flattened by his clerk, Nick....and all WITH his clothes on!

Fond memories of the very best of times with our friend.

Cheers

John and Ginger

Sam

Dear Cilla, Neil, Bias, Barny and Tally

My heart goes out to you. Words cannot explain. The funeral was so very moving, you were all incredibly brave. I cannot imagine the pain you are in.

If you want to put any of my comments on Sam and Michala's blog please do, I saw less of Sam recently although he was a huge part of my childhood, my first crush as a three year old!

Sam was funny, cheeky, always smiling, I particularly remember the "Sandford Splodge Cake" we made as young teenagers, a disastrous gooey chocolate cake which we tried and failed to perfect over and over again, flour was flying everywhere! We played fierce games of tennis at the court in Sandford, water fights, riding our bikes around the village on hazy Summer days, exploring the countryside. Sam was such an adventurer and I always felt safe and cheerful around him. He was great company, full of fun and so caring.

When we messed around as kids with a wasps nest in the garden at Blackhayes, Barny was the first target for their angry stings as we all ran away screaming with the wasps in hot pursuit. Sam was the only one brave enough to come to Barny's assistance. And when Tally, aged two, smashed a glass in her hands whilst we were babysitting her, Sam scooped her up and held her hands under the tap to wash the glass off. I remember thinking what an amazingly responsible big brother he was when he was so young himself. I admired him greatly.

What a fantastic brother and son of your family, and also a dear friend to so many. I was so lucky to have known him.

All my love

Frannie Lowry

P.S. The attached photos are of a Crediton Parish trip to Dartington a very long time ago. Shy or what?! How he changed! As young children we were the best of friends and he contributed so much to my childhood.

From Rich Littledale

Barny,

Sorry I didn't get to say hi yesterday but I wanted to let you know we
were all there (Ted, Mum, Dad and I). It was a lovely service and
your words about Sam were spot on. Whenever I've been to visit Andy
and Xanthe in Bristol I've always hoped that I'd get to see Sam and
Michala as a special treat. I last saw them in October at Andy's new
place and Sam hauled himself around a fairly long walk despite his
leg.

I've attached a couple of photos you can put up if you like. Michala
does make being kissed by Sam look like an ordeal. I really like the
one with Thea (Sam's goddaughter of course) and Michala smiling.
These were taken on 12th Jan last year. That's how I'll remember them.

All the best to you and yours. I'll be thinking of Sam and Michala a
lot. I really loved those guys and am going to miss them.

Rich (Littledale)

Sam on tour with Oakliegh Cricket Club in 2003

Hi Barny,

Thought you might like this picture of Sam relaxing in the bath after a heavy night celebrating a victory over Chardstock.

He was such a great all rounder.

He bowled fast and straight batted really well, scored lots of runs and could catch and field as good as anyone I have ever seen.

Regards

Roy Day

Oakleigh CC

A captain of men

Sam's mischievous smile, his beautiful face and honest eyes, he hugged you with his heart and laughed with his eyes, his love of the ridiculous fun in life, his stupid dancing, his bravery in all fields of his life, his love of family and friends, his patience with a stupid friend, his wit, his strength in body and formidable mind, his tenderness and love of life, his infectious laugh, his solidity of character and strength, dependable and constant. A captain of men. He taught my brother and I to ride a bike, he used to put the steps down on our dad's landrover so as to knock the traffic cones over, without our dad noticing. His trustworthy and beautiful face.

All my love, Pad.

(Patrick Trimmer, lifelong buddy)

Sam recovering from breaking his leg

Some pictures of Sam and Michala after 18 stone of second row forward remodelled Sam's left leg. This was the day after he broke his leg, he waited for 5 hours to be seen by a consultant- who couldn't believe that sam had gone all that time without complaining, and no pain relief at all. His comment to his student was "5 hours with no analgesia with an external fracture to tib and fib. Write that down - I think its a record."

A few more pics

I send, hopefully, 3 images of these wonderful people as a contribution to this splendid idea.